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You Might Be an Excel Nerd If...

Debra Dalgleish - Contextures

What are the signs that you might be an Excel nerd? I asked that question on my Contextures blog, and got lots of great replies, shown below. Do you have any of these "Excel nerd" symptoms?

you might be an excel nerd if you list VLOOKUP as a hobby on facebook

Excel Formulas

  1. You offered to produce a "best baby name" generator for your 9-month pregnant friend using formulae and tables in Excel -- Viv
  2. You use Match() & Index() instead of Vlookup(). -- Doug
  3. You still say "at" before Excel worksheet functions. @SUM, @VLOOKUP, @IF -- Dick Kusleika
  4. You're an excel nerd if you tend to get cross with colleagues that omit ,0 from their index(match(,,)) -- ikkeman
  5. You know at least two alternatives to VLOOKUP. Super nerd status is reserved for those who know three. -- JP
  6. Vlookups are under your hobbies on facebook. wow. -- Jamie
  7. =IF(ISERROR(INDEX(Nerd_List, MATCH(ME1, Excel_Users,0))), "Phew!","Ah!") -- Alastair
  8. You name your children after Excel functions. Some of my favorite might be: LEN, MINA (pronounced MEENA similar to Tina), ACOS, HARMEAN, RAND, COSH, DELTA, ABS, and maybe the best…ERF -- willwonka
  9. You conjure up an array formula when not needed because it is fantastically cool and incomprehensible to others. -- Andy Holaday
  10. You ABSolutely MATCH every ADDRESS EXACTly when sitting in your CELL looking at the CEILING before you CHOOSE to CLEAN the FLOOR. This behaviour has a LARGE EFFECT on your GROWTH, which is TRUE, EVEN IF ODD, when carried out each WEEKDAY OF each MONTH -- Roger Govier

Excel At Home

  1. Your wife tells you your mistress is "Excelina". -- Andy Post
  2. You write VBA code that logs your wife's contractions start and end times to keep score how much time they are apart -- Jan Karel Pieterse
  3. Excel reminds you of your Wife and Children's birthdays, and what gifts they got for the last 3 years -- Hui...
  4. Your kids are named "Index" and "Match". -- Mike Alexander
  5. Your new kitten's name is Macro -- Trixie
  6. You write a VBA macro to help you decide where to go for lunch. -- dewey1973
  7. You used Excel to figure out the exact day on which your wife had been married to you longer than she was single and you took her out to dinner to welcome her to the family. -- Rod Apfelbeck
  8. Your wife refers to it as the 'other' woman in your life and your dog gives you dirty looks every time you open a spreadsheet! -- Ajay
  9. Your spouse enters a contest boasting about your Excel skills. -- Elisabeth DeWhitt
  10. You engrave your 25th anniversary present to your spouse "Love always to you…and Excel." -- Colin Banfield

Excel At Work

  1. No one in the office knows your name but rather call you "Excel Guy" to your face. -- Michael
  2. Your co-workers have just dubbed you "The Excel Empress" -- Trixie
  3. It hurts to take a break because you'll be away from your beloved Excel project -- Ron
  4. You commit white collar crime so you can spend the rest of your life in a Cell wondering if your VBA color picker could change the Interior.Colorindex -- Tim Buckingham
  5. You look over a colleague's shoulder at an Excel model they have created, and no matter how proficient they are, you KNOW you could do it better. -- David Coop
  6. You enjoy going to work everyday! -- Blayne
  7. You feel an urge to correct your coworkers' plural of "formulas" when they instant-message you for help.} -- Brian S
  8. You view the drive home from work as an inconvenient disruption in your Excel productivity. -- James Jordin
  9. You see your colleagues' spreadsheets and thinks…"hmmph…what an amateur". -- ShawnL
  10. Excel is always open so you can quickly calculate 7463/12 or whatever comes up during the work day. -- teylyn

Excel Pivot Tables

  1. You have written none but read at least 2 books on Pivot tables -- govi
  2. You assess romantic potential in a person based on their ability to create a pivot table in under 60 seconds -- Viv
  3. You can make pivot table without using your mouse but only with
    your keyboard! -- gagner
  4. At 1:00 a.m. you camp out at your local bookstore so that you can be first in line to own the just released copy of Excel 2010 PivotTables Recipes. -- Colin Banfield
  5. You own a copy of a book authored by Debra Dalgleish -- Kurt Trinko

Excel Skills

  1. First thing you do when you turn your computer on is read all the Excel daily blogs and decided how you can use your new knowledge. -- Christine McManus
  2. You're actually looking forward to reading one or more of the books in the give away. -- AnnaLisa Lawson
  3. You subscribe to three or more Excel Forums and use a tabbed browser so you can be on-line at all of them at the same time -- Ron
  4. You own every book written for Excel, dating back to Excel v2.0. -- Colin Banfield
  5. You spend all day googling for excel sites -- JIM H
  6. You have more than 5 excel blogs in your RSS feed…. -- CraigM
  7. You know more than 10 keyboard shortcut chains e.g., Alt+e+s+v -- Sridhar Baldava
  8. You, without thinking, start to reformat every spreadsheet on opening, even when the owner just wants you to look at one formula. -- cg
  9. You have at least two dog-eared Excel "Bibles" -- Ron
  10. You used conditional formatting to personalize your wedding invitations. -- Dan

Excel Macros

  1. You spend 20 minutes writing a VBA procedure to do something you could have done by hand in 2 minutes and don't think that was a waste of time. -- Nick
  2. You use one line "for each…next" code in the immediate window. -- Nick O-P
  3. You understand (and appreciate) those VBA error messages, like "Automation error". -- L. Quezada
  4. Your class-based error handling is 10x as complex as your application code because of your fear of VBA memory leaks… -- Bruce
  5. In a software company of over 3000 employees, you're known as the Excel Macro Guy. -- Nic
  6. Your household finances are run as Macro economy! -- Dan Elgaard
  7. You have a favorite Excel error. (error 49 is almost poetic) -- Jim Cone
  8. You view Excel as your software development platform of choice. -- Michael Pierce
  9. You write IDE's for other programming languages in Excel using VBA and conditional formatting. -- Brett

Excel Fun and Games

  1. Your work won't allow you to install games, so you write your own in Excel. -- Josh Grilly
  2. When you look for games to play online, you look first for versions in Excel. -- Jayson
  3. Your favorite video game is the flight simulator Easter egg in Excel 97. -- Dean
  4. You see the real challenge in Sudoku's as being able to code a solver in Excel. -- Rick Williams
  5. You've set up a 'game of life' simulation in Excel… then expanded the formulas to see just how large to can make it before it crashes. -- Rick Williams
  6. Long-lost friends call you, not for a beer or company, but for Excel help, ALL THE TIME! -- govi
  7. You impressed your travel agent by already having a cataloged database of all 150+ Sandals resorts including price quotes, descriptions, and pictures. -- Brett
  8. You drive a car with XLNERD plates. Duh! :)) -- Biff
  9. More than one of your Twitter and/or 'friends' are Excel Nerds -- Tony Huby
  10. You celebrated July 6, 2009 as a milestone day. -- Harry

Related Articles and Blog Posts:

Summer Giveaway for Excel Nerds Winners

Contest Sponsors

Many thanks to the contest sponsors, who provided Excel related prizes:

Jan Karel Pieterse, of JKP Application Development Services 

Ken Puls, of The Ken Puls Blog

Jon Peltier, of Peltier Technical Services 

My publisher, Apress 



Last updated: May 16, 2024 9:53 AM